doesnt feel the same

Imagine, if you will, that you are a runner.
Now, imagine you are at cross country practice.
Imagine youir coach says its an easy 4 mile day.
You concede, its really not that bad.
2 miles up a road then 2 miles back.
You set out.
Though you are last and you go slow,
You do the first 2 miles without walking at all.
You feel good about yourself.
At your turning point,
Your coach is there with water and you get a break and a drink before the next half.
Now, imagine you set out again.
You get maybe 200 meters before you suddenly feel something shift in your ankle.
You see what happens and take a couple more strides.
Now, please imagine the most excruciating pain you have ever felt course through your ankle.
You are suddenly fighting bacck tears it hurts so bad.
You stop.
You walk, without moving your ankle because it hurts so bad.
You walk this way for another 200 or so meters.
You test out a normal walk.
Feels fine.
You test a run.
You're completely fine.
A mile later you are running,
Monitoring your ankle,
But you think you can go the rest of the way with no problems.
All of the sudden,
SNAP.
In your ankle.
You wonder if it makes a noise,
Or if you just felt it.
Now the pain is back.
Worse than before.
You can feel something grinding together with each step you take.
Fighting tears again,
You walk once more without moving your ankle.
About 400 meters later,
Its fine.
You run.
You finish.
You stop and the pain comes on but not as bad.
Still enough.
You don't do strides and you can't put a lot of weight on it.
It aches all day.
2pm is PT.
You tell Nicole what happened.
She puts you on the treadmill.
You walk,
No pain or ache.
You run,
No pain or ache.
You walk/run interval for 11 minutes.
Nothing.
You get off and do your exercises.
It comes back and you wince a few times.
At the end, Nicole puts this electrical thingy on you.
Plus ice.
You walk out with that dull ache.
Throughout the day it becomes a nagging ache.
Til now, when it becomes a painful ache.
You ice.
It doesn't go away.
You are worried sick about practice tomorrow.
Can I run?
Should I run?
Will I ever run without this pain?
Shit.

The same doesn't feel the same anymore.

dont be scared

Feeling good is doing something you haven't done since you first started.
And before when you did it, you fell a lot and shook and were exhausted by the time you were done with 20.
But feeling good is doing it,
Only having to stop and stretch cause your back got stiff,
And doing all twenty while marveling at the fact that you have muscles.
Feeling good is also coming home,
Getting on the scale,
And not caring that the number went up by two.
Cause you know you're stronger.
And you know your gonna get better.
And you know that you can get better.
Knowing that you're gonna apologize and try to be friends.
Knowing that you really do want to try and get grades that you care about and are proud of.
Knowing you're gonna work hard.
Feeling good is knowing you care about yourself.

Don't be scared to fly alone, find a path that is your own.

im already dead

So yeah.
Theres kind of alot of stuff that happened but I really don't feel like typing it out.
And I also suck at remembering things for thingss like descriptions.
But I would like to apologize for getting annoyed with you and Adam, Tiff.
I mean I'm happy for you immensely but I will be honest in that its kind of annoying after a while.
Single girl jealousy complex, ya know??

THIS COMPUTER IS BEING ANNOYINGLY SLOW AND FREEZY!
STUPID THINGGG!!!!
It types the word like thirty seconds after I stop and wait.
Grr.

Dat da da.

Ohmigod fucking really??!
This is ridiculous!!
Ugh!!

Call 911, I'm already dead but someone should be caught and held responsible for this bloody mess.

youre never gonna make it

You ever hear a song that you haven't heard in a week or two??
And you're like, woah. I really love that song.
Yeahh.

I think the song I'm Not Okay by MCR is my new theme song.
It just seems to fit everytime.
:))

"And the only thing I could seem to care about was the fact that I didn't care about anything."
^^Love that movie :))

Actually doing something social this weekend. But I get the feeling I'm gonna be a creeper in a corner watching the goings on. But that's ohkayy with me. Its more comfortable.

You can't swim, you can't dance, and you don't know karate. Face it, you're never gonna make it.

stars are gleaming

Ughh, I am soooo sick of my generations pop culture!!
There is a reason there's a book about us called The Dumbest Generation.
I shit you not,
I started reading it.
(I gave up though, It got monotonous.)
T@ylor L@utner was barely there in Twilight.
And he wins fresh face!?
Hello, Dev Patel?!
Are you all insane.
He's amazingly talented!!
*shakeshead*
Stupid teenage sheep.
I'd rather be a dingo.
XD

It is a special one, its never seen the sun. It only comes out in the night when the stars are gleaming.

youre

I don't want to wait.
I like you.
But you're 'confused'.
I can sit around and wait for you to figure it out.
(Like I have many other choices.)
But,
What if your confusion just ends as friendship.
Which is ohkay.
I think being together would be hard.
We have two different circles of friends.
That'd be weird.
But,
I can't help it.
I like you.
Huh.
Wonder how this'll turn out.

You're so hypnotizing.

waste of breath

From day one I talked about getting out,
But not forgetting about,
How all my worst fears were letting out.
He said:
"Why put a new address on the same old loneliness?
When breathing just passes the time,
Until we all just get old and die.".
Now talkings just a waste of breath,
And livings just a waste of death,
And why put a new address on the same old loneliness?
And this is you and me,
And me and you,
Until we've got nothing left.