some nights

So, Zel was really great.
I love Donna Jo Napoli.
She takes the most mundane and normal things,
Like fairy tales you've heard a million times,
And makes them new and interesting.
It amazing.

I always forget when I don't listen to it,
How much I love the song Bruised.
Jack's Mannequin :))
Makes me happyyy.

July is almost gone.
Wow.
I can't wait for August to be gone.
I want to go back to school.
For some reason,
I feel determined to do better this year.
*shrug*

So read your books and stay up late, some nights.

lace my Chucks

La ta da da....

Went swimming again today!!
After a 6 mile bike ride :DD
Woulda gone farther but Em was complaining hardcore.
hhahha.

OHMIGOD!
....idk.

Uhhh......

I lace my Chucks, I walk the aisle.

give it up for us!!

Music lyyrics are the shit.
How people can put my life in words is amazing.
Ohkay, maybe I'm being a bit melodramatic....
But I like relating in my overblown up teenaher way :)
hhahha, typo!!
But I like it.
Teenaher.
:)

So, my majorly awesome bands with their amazing-ness lyrics:

Jack's Mannequin.
He is amazing.
No lie!
Hours pass, and she still counts the minutes that I am not there. I swear I didn't mean for it to feel like this.
Seriously, you've never done that??
This night's the perfect shade of Dark Blue.
:)
You gotta swim. Swim for your life. Swim for the music that saves you when you're not so sure you'll survive.
Words of wisdom. This is life. Swim.
Meet at my window, meet me at my window. I will for you there, I will talk to you, no one knows.
Honestly, I hate Romeo and Juliet, but who doesn't want a balcony scene??

Ben Folds.
The biggest effing genius ever.
If you can't trust, you can't be trusted.
Sooooo true.
Now I'm haunted by the left unsaid. I never thought so much could change. Little things you said or did are part of me, come out from time to time.
Ahh!! Pure genius. With a piano.
You're the magic that holds the sky off the ground.
A love song for something real.

Andrew Bird.
This is another musical genius.
We'll fight, we'll fight, we'll fight for your music halls and dying cities. They'll fight, they'll fight, they'll fight for your nuerowalls and plasticities.
What this world has come to. Well fuck you, we'll fight.
We're what happens happens when two substances collide. And by all accounts you really should have died.
Human life. In two sentences.

Panic(!) at the Disco.
You have to listen and decipher,
But its worth it.
Hey Moon, please forget to fall down.
mm :)
I'm the new cancer, never looked better and you can't stand it.
hhahha, we're so vainn! If they thought cancer was in, everyone would get it.
What a wonderful caricature of intimacy.
*smirks*
Well, she's not bleeding on the ballroom floor just for the attention.
Forever mocking the human disease :D
Its time for us to take a chance.
True...Something I always forget...
Things have changed for me, and that's ohkay. I feel the same, I'm on way.
*nods*

Oh god, Christofer Drew.
This boy has carried me through everything.
He is the cutest little amazing-ness ever.
I'm a real big fan of yours, but I'm quite the joke to you.
Story of my life.
This pathetic excuse for a town, that holds all your memories, a lifetime of crushes and your broken dreams.
OHMIGOD! Told you, hes amazing. He can write my life.
Its so hard to pretend, like I know everything. I don't know anything!!
mmhmm.
You got dreams, and therefore I believe in you.
*meltsalittle*
I'm in trouble, I'm an addict, I'm addicted to this Girl.
Such sweetness. I love it.

Fall Out Boy.
Wow.
Boycott love. Detox just to retox.
It's sssooooo true and you know it.
I will never believe in anything again.
For the hopelessness deep inside.
Have you ever wanted to disappear and join a monestary?
Well, have you?
I can't remember the good old days..
Nope.
We're only liars, but we're the best.
You know it.
I'll be your best kept secret and you're biggest mistake.
:D
I don't care what you think, as long as its about me.
*smirks* You want to feel good? You got it right there.
I got troubled thoughts and the self-esteem to match.
No comment.

Nickelback.
Of the 9 songs I listen to,
I love them.
Nobody wants to be the last one left, everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
I can't even pick a single lyric from If Today Was Your Last Day. The whole song is one.
Look at this photograph, everytime I do it makes me laugh. How did our eyes get so red, and what the hell is on Joey's head?
The ultimate song of remembrance.

Moulin Rouge.
No, its not a band.
But...
It takes me away in its words.
Never knew I could feel like this. Like I've never seen the sky before. Want to vanish inside your kiss, everyday I love you more and more.
*sigh*
We could be heroes just for one day!
I can sing this entire song. From memory. And do the motions they do. :)
Your free to leave me, but just don't decieve me and please, believe me when I say I love you.
There's nothing to say.
Why live life from dream to dream? And dread the day when dreaming ends.
Practicality does not become you dear.
How wonderful life is, now you're in the World.
:D

The Acadmey Is...
Not often,
but I'm so drawn to their music.
Our time is almost, our time is almost here.
It is. Give it time.
The good things will live in our hearts.
That always makes me smile :)
Some people have it, and other people don't.
hhahha, I love this.

Green Day.
I love all their music,
But its more power ballads.
St.Jimmy is my theme song though.
And some great single lines.
We are the last call and we're so pathetic.
or
So make the best of this test known as why. Its not a question but a lesson learned in life.
or
I don't need your authority.


This is me. Defined by my music. I gotta say, Christofer and Jack get it the best. Specially Christofer. hhehhe, with his f. Yer right Tiff, completely better than a ph.

We're Son Of Dork, this is our secong gig, give it up for us!!

were so pathetic

Ohmigod.
I dont know if that even describes it.
It was a-m-a-z-i-n-g.
Tiff and me we're in line from 11:30am to 6:00pm when they finally let us in.
We had sooooo much fun :)
I'm Bosley's Bitch.
"Do you realize how dumb you look?
Do you realize how gay you look?"
I hit her in the head with a bottttllllllleeeeeee :)
Rainbow shit.
mmhmm.
The Bravery was awesome. It was their last show so everyone was pulling all these pranks on eachother.
Animals, Strippers, and Toilet Paper.
Need I say more??
Ohkay, I will.
Amazing Guitar, Sweet Techno Dude, Popcorn, Giant Umbrellas, and Ping-Pong Balls.
Thats all I'm saying.
Oh yes, there was also:
Intense Transvestite-ation and Woodstock '94.
But that was The Bravery on Green Day stuffs.
Well, after some serious germaphobe cleaning,
We hear crackling over the sound system...
Sing us a song of the century...
After a freakout, everyone sang along.
Then it was fucking amazing.
Calebb is the shit!
Jesus of Suburbia Guitar Girl. Amazing!!
I have a ttly new appreciation for Last Night On Earth.
Mike is my new favorite person. In the World.
"Uhh, you pissed in the closet.."
"No, you don't wanna be saved."
"Its all Cocaine and Alcohol for Calebb now."

That's it man.
I'm done.

We are the last call and we're soo pathetic.

the weather today is slightly sarcastic

I have chalked up my extremely down mood to PMS and the rag.
Cause I feel really great now.
Ima a rockstar in my black wardrobe :D
No, I'm Johnny Cash!!
hhahhahha, fat chance!

I have to work work work later.
More cleaning I bet.
Well, it is clearing up a bit.
Maybe I will actually give a tour!
*gasp*
Doubt it.
I tag along on them.
Wearing a sign on my forehead saying:
STILL LEARNING.
hhahahahh!
If you believe me you're oddddddddd.

I'm kinda hungry.
But not for a meal yet.
I vill vait for newn!!

hhahhahhahha.

I ferget how much I looooooove Panic! At The Disco,
you know before the trashed the !

hah!
hhahhahhaha.

Just for the record, the weather today is slightly sarcastic with a good chance of a)indifference or b)disinterest in what the critics say.

you want me

Uhmm, so many things to say.
But they're my secrets.
To
Never
Get
Out.

Not that they're bad or anything.
Just embarrassing.
Not that I've done anything wrong, or anything I'm ashamed of.
Just embarrassing.

That's all really.

Let's be the one you want me for.

hurt no more

My best friend is apparently ignoring me.
My two other best friends and I barely talk.
I don't really pay attention to anyone else anymore lately.
I mean there is Tori who I see twice a week.
Thats about all I got...
But it reallys just dragging me deeper when Tiff ignores me.
:(

I don't wanna hurt no more.

the fight

Ohkay, I'm getting seriously sick of everyone calling me out on my dirty dishes phobia.
It's serious. I'm not making this up to get out of work.
It really scares me to the core to even think about touching a dirty dish.
First my Mom has me crying on the phone about it.
Then, my Dad is trying to get me to do something about it.
Then, Emma is yelling at me to get over it, ending up with me crying again.
I mean, I joke about her OCD but have I ever really tried to get her to let up on it??
No, I allow it. Sure it gets annoying sometimes, but I deal.
But no one can deal with the fact that I CAN'T touch a dirty dish.
I'm sick of it.

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I'm getting better at typing that. I know a bunch of the letters without looking too.
:\

God, I am so ready for school to start again. I'm so freaking bored. On the upside, concert this weekend. Green Day :D

Lay down your arms, give up the fight.

a needle

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A needle, through a bug. A needle, through a bug.

we live in

hum dee dum....
idk, no one else was saying anything.
So I did.
Even if its nothing :)

But this ever changing World we live in.

It's about time

I have a bad tendon as direct result of my flat feet.
It's supposed to regulate your arch, and I think I'm straining it or something.
Which is pinching another one on the other side of my ankle.
Lovely.
Medicine is a couple weeks of PT before I can run again.
For now, cycling...swimming...elliptical.
Which I can live with.

Feel so much better as of late.
A good dose of friends does that greatly.

Reworked my playlist.

Ohh, I should show you what I'm working on!!
I only have these two scenes cause I have third yet to be typed out.
No, I've no idea what happened in between the two.
This chick will not give me anything.
Which is kinda the point of her profession.
:)


Scene 1:

She sits at the bar, a girl no more than 16, though her ID claims otherwise. The bartender suspects, but needs the business. No one is ever in here except for the drunken regulars and a few drifters. She was paying well and had nursed several drinks so far. Cheap ones, but he knew the type. Down a couple of soft drinks before the hard liquor came out.

She stares hard at the bottom of her gin and tonic. Swirling the ice around the only remnants of Her sanity. Her past only showing through Her drink preference. It was ironic nostalgia. Her Father had preferred them. It was the only alcohol ever kept in the house. After that first time She had headed to the basement, opened the cabinet, and mixed a gin and tonic. More gin than tonic though. More than he had ever used.

She upended the glass, crunching the slivers of ice on her teeth. She spoke to the bartender, asking for a couple fingers of whiskey. Any particulars? he asked. No. She watched him pour the amber liquid in a small glass. She changed Her mind. Just fill the glass she said. You’re gonna pay fer all this right? he asked. She snorted. He took that as a yes.

She swilled the liquid and took a gulp, not even wincing at the burn in Her throat. The bartender watched warily at her obvious immunity to the liquor and wondered briefly if She were more than 16. He looked Her up and down. Legs clad in fishnets and red motorcycle boots, scuffed and worn. A small black skirt, a black t-shirt, a black jacket. Pale face, with heavy black eye makeup and red lipstick. Pretty mouth. Rather plain after that though. He found himself staring at Her mouth. Very pretty. She felt eyes on Her and looked up. She sneered at him and he dropped his eyes and mopped up the counter.

She took another gulp of the drink and smiled at Her reflection. Every bar had a mirror across from the bar now. It was the American dream She thought, Her smile growing, A house with a white fence, 2.5 kids, and a mirror across from your bar . Her smile was positively evil at the thought of the 2.5 kids. She knew why one would be in half.

She looked down at the half empty drink and drained it. Turning around and standing with a fluid motion. Not even swaying. She could hold Her liquor well. When you’ve been drinking since twelve that happened. How much for the drink? She asked the bartender. 30 bucks he answered, trying to coddle a sale. She saw through it. Smiled and slapped a 20 on the stool. Cheers, She said and walked out.



Scene 2:

She greedily licked the blood from around her mouth as the latest one squirmed, screaming silently through her gag, torn remnant of the pretty little dress fluttering at her sides. Now, She was no Hannibal Lecter, but when its spicy sticky-ness ventured near Her mouth...Well, it was damn near impossible not to take a quick taste. She found that the younger you went the better it tasted. She stared down at the girl lying on the table with a look that could only be described as curious, the girl’s slightly unfocused eyes found Hers and instantly sharpened. How old are you? She asked, making Her voice sweet and un-scary. The little girl gave Her a look of utmost confusion...Primal instincts vs. Learned behavior. The learned behavior won out this time. Tears brimmed on small blue eyes filled with hope, her little hand displayed five fingers.

She smiled and let Her own primal instincts take over. Putting Her mouth over the small slice in the girl’s wrist, She drew a deep mouthful, swallowed, then took another. She stood back up, watched the terror in the girls eyes return. Absolutely beautiful. Back to work, She decided, swiping the back of Her hand across Her mouth. She reached inside Her jacket and pulled out a small scalpel. Inspecting the weapon, She recalled something She had read once. How much shock trauma could the ‘patient’ stand? How far are they willing to go to survive? She smirked and looked at the girl. Experiment number whatever in progress. Lucky you, She purred and the little girl’s tear-stained face gave Her a funny look.

She ignored and looked for a point of attack. She climbed up on the table, straddling the girls non-existent hips. She felt a warm tingle. God, She needed a good lay. When was the last time...A few towns ago, She thought. Well, what the hell was She supposed to do now? She was in no mood for a killing now...Ah, well. It’s you lucky day sweetheart, She said to the girl. What was another witness? What was another character sketch on AMW? She was changing guises again soon anyway. How’s now? She took out the gag and unbinded her, gripping tight on the small hand She led the girl to her home, hot-wired a car, and got the hell out of there.




No, she's not a freaking vampire.
She's completely human.
Well, maybe not completely.
hhahha, yeahh.

Not much else to report.
Signing off!

Uh-huh, holy shit! It's about time you get off my dick.

in lights

I had a dream last night we,
Drove out to see Las Vegas.
We lost ourselves in the bright lights,
I wish you could've seen us.

I love the fair now.
Tiffy under hypnosis is great.
So are the lights.
Double time spinning when everything but the lights is a super blur...
It's the best.

I'll see your name in lights.

....Ginny?

I love how Tori can make me instantly feel better.
Between what she says, and what she tells me.
Oh yeah, I enjoyed that!
Cause Tori's had basically the same position as me and I know what she's saying isn't just prop you up,
It's ttly true :)
Thanks Tor.
Especially for the Musical.
I wish we could do it at school!

Your tall and fun and pretty,
Your really, really skinny,
....Ginny?
Nah, it just doesn't work!

i cant think

Been feeling very down lately.
Empty houses can do that.
Took a longer leg on my bike today.
Needed it.
Tomorrow I should shoot for Owego.
I need it.
Took the dog for a walk.
Daddy was home for all of 15 minutes.
Mad about the mess everywhere.
Which is a valid feeling.
Well, my Dad's version of slightly annoyed/mad.
Cleaned up the table for him.
Took dog for walk as I said.
Get home at 5:30.
Am home alone again for another hour.
I read a book that I've read a billion times before.
Daddy gets back....
Wait until 8:00 for Mommy and Em to show with dinner.
Mom gets pissed that no one's turned on a fan in the damned house.
Smooth for a while.
No one interacts with anyone.
Peace.
Then Emma turns on 16 and Pregnant.
She and my Mother start yelling at each other.
They can deny it but they were yelling.
I go on the computer to play solitaire.
I can't stand the ratty little silence,
I go for my Ipod.
I step on some board in the hallway from Emma's renovations.
It cracks a little under my fat ass.
My Mom starts yelling at Emma for not cleaning up.
I slide in my headphones and watch them as falsely cheery music blasts through too loud.
I came here to make you dance tonight, I don't care if I'm a guilty pleasure for you. Shut Up. Cause we: Won't Stop. We're gettin' down 'til the suns comin' up.
I cannot stand the scene in front of me.
I feel jittery, nervous, and confused.
Why?
I don't know.
I go outside as fast as I can walk,
Skirting ripped up carpet from Em in the backroom.
I go sit on the pool deck.
I have some peace for a minute.
Emma comes out.
She waves at me.
I wave and look away.
She wanders around.
Always catching my eye so I can't concentrate.
She finally goes away behind the shed.
Candles comes on.
Blow the Candles out, looks like a solo tonight...But I think I'll be alright.
I feel an overwhelming sense of sadness and frustration.
I come in,
Head straight to my computer.
I needed a serious blogging session.
Reading the lyrics to 6 Months really didn't help.

and I can't think of anybody else I hate to miss as much as I hate missing you.

Fuck. My Life.

I'm in bed right?
I hear the phone ringing.
I lay there figuring that someone else will get it 'til I realize no one is here to get it.
I get up really fast so it won't go to machine.
I step on Emma's bed next to mine and my foot ends up sinking below my metal bed frame.
When I step up it scrapes the back of my ankle.
I have a nice welt going there now.
This hurts like a mother.
I keep going for the phone.
I get out to the living room.
Though my sleep haze I see the phone resting on the back of the couch.
I put my knee down as I dive for it (No lie, I dived!) and I forget the mats to keep the dog off.
You know, the spiky ones.
I get the whole front of my shin completely mutilated.
Not cuts, but super scrapes in the form of 29 super long lines and 31 dots that just dug in horribly.
I still answer the phone.
"Hi, this is Empire Vision calling letting you know...."
Fuck. My Life.