comin down to the ground

*sigh*

Another day of sitting around watching movies. All I did yesterday was:

• Check my stuff on the comp
• Watch Jump Start (Nothing good played.)
• Attempt to shovel the iced over driveway.
• Watch Wall-E and the beginning of Ironman.
• Got Down to Earth by Peter Gabriel on my iTunes.
• Played with Dog outside.

Mm, now rinse and repeat.

We're comin' down to the ground,
There's no better place to go.
We got snow up on the Mountains,
And the Rivers down below.

dear gravity

New title.

New look.

New Start?

who knows.

I get to go to the therapist Monday at 4.

I'm happy about that. I really want to talk to someone who doesnt know anything about anyone, who I can be totally truthful with everything.

Enjoy it all.

See you all later.

Oh! Wait, I have a treat for you!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6wRkzCW5qI&feature=channel_page

enjoy. It makes me feel really good about myself. Really inspired. I wish I could get it on my Ipod.

Dear Gravity, You held me down in this starlit city.

were you honest?

So, ten honest things. That I just wrote and Blogger refused to publish. So they sent me back to do IT AGAIN!!!!!!!

Bastards.

;

1.) I'm scared as hell.

2.) I need to get out of this shithole town.

3.) Secrets will be the death of me.

4.) I have to much to handle. I want to just quit basketball so that its one less thing. But I can't because I'm afraid of disappointing people. Especially my Daddy, cause he's the one who taught me to never quit. But, I need thought process and time for my life.

5.) I want to go to a therapist. An impartial person I can talk to. But, I know we can't afford. And my Mom is gonna see this and come talk to me. And I will feel like a selfish shit.

6.) I try to write this blog like no one is reading. But I have to monitor what I say so I don't let something slip. See number 3.

7.) I think people expect to much of me.

8.) I wish I was more motivated.

9.) I want to date some other guy, just so Greg can see how much it fucking hurts.

10.) I'm afraid that being an adult will be boring. Of falling into the same routine, and being so depressed with my life that I want to kill myself.

;

Were you honest when you said, 'I could never leave your bed'?

have to be strong enough

http://oceanicflight316.blogspot.com/2009/01/is-it.html

take a look at this list of songs again. tell me that would not make the most awesome playlist.

hhahha.

Should I do it?

Idk.

But I know I'm making it a playlist on my Ipod.

:)

..............

So, Regents Week.

No School. Just Basketball and Masquers.

Yayy. *pitifully waves pennet*

Too much. Even without the school in the mix its no fun.

I just want to go to Masquers.

And apparently the team does much better without me tripping over things and fouling on accident. :) Or Gabby and Britney just mangling girls out there. Cause I'm pretty sure Lizz isn't a problem. She's gotten much better about hanging on to the ball. :)

Sorry, referring to the fact that they had like, there best game ever without the four of us there. We were all at All-County Auditions. Fun fun.

Oh yeah. I made into All County Chorus. Well, not really made it. I kinda like had to. Whatever. I don't really care that much. Don't see why anyone else does. Lizz made it made it. Like she actually had to try out. She did really good.

Not much else to say. Emma's home sick. Little brat.

Stand up, stand up!
We have to be strong enough.
We're trying hard to be ourselves again.

stupid insecurities

Hhahha, fun day.

Lauren? Why is you sighing at me??

Really enjoying my new monitor. It really gives me loads more desk space.

Not much to say. Happy Early Birthday Lauren.

Mkay.

I got in a fight, Over some stupid insecurities.

sitting out dances

No Tiffani tonight. :(

But we're all going to the Mall tomorrow.

Yayy.

Talked for awhile with Andy. Just cause we started talking about how we never talk.

Hhahha.

Thinking about changing my blog title.

Gotta couple ideas, but I don't know. I really like this one.

Sitting out Dances on the wall,
Trying to forget everything that isn't You.

stay pretty girl

Ho-hum. Ho-hum.

Waiting for Tiffani to come over.

Spent the last 4 hours reading one story on FP. It's really good.

My Mom got a new moniter for herself, so I got her old one. Funnily enough, that was what I wanted for my birthday.

Bombed my All-County Band audition.

That's all. Now I just wait for the Tiffani Monster to text me and let me know shes coming.

My name will save the World, so you best stay pretty Girl.

go all the way

I have new LimeWire prospects for you all.

SongTitle ; Artist

Stay Pretty ; Farewell

Go All The Way(Into the Twilight) ; Perry Farrell

Stand Up ; Melee

Enjoy them. They pretty much rock.

Go all the way with me, go all the way.

i wish i was special

You know, I should be royally pissed off.

I should want to yell and scream and ask questions.

I should.

But will I?

No.

I wish I was special, I wish I was special.

system overload

Ugh!!

Dramedy!! Dramedy!! Dramedy!!

Are you rly gonna fight over blog posts??

Honestly??

You know, I almost wasn't gonna tell you, but it needs to come out.

Whether you care or not.

1.) Lauren, I know you said I was being semi-nice to you, but I still have to ask. I swear it never occured to me, my Mom asked the question. You are telling the truth about Greg, right??
I think you are, but I don't know. Based on all thats happened (i.e. lack of) I'm wondering. And I really want to trust you on this.

Like I said, I think you're telling the truth. I really do.

2.) I always feel alienated by my team. I really do. I feel like I don't belong, and that they don't really accept me. I mean, I know Tori and Lizz do, but everyone else just kind of ignores me. I tried to ignore it before, but lately its really been grinding on me. Like that fucking CD. I hate the fucking CD. It bugs me that Nic asked for no input before making it. It full of stupid hip hop songs with no meaning. Its dumb. It makes us look like everyone else out there.

Another thing is the way they just don't notice when I'm not there. Like, they have their little conferences and they don't even notice when I'm not there with them. It's like I don't exist.

I also tend to lose my friends there. Tori just gets so involved in the game that I can't really talk to her. Lizz will be an outsider with me alot of the time, but they also accept her. So, when she talks with them or hangs with them, I'm really alone. Not that I don't want her to be friends with them. Idk, I'm just bitching. Whether or not Lizz has anything to do with me constantly is noone of my business. It's not her fault that they don't like me.


So, That's all I wanted to say. I could tell you a million other things, but I don't really feel like sharing all my secrets.

Lauren, I think you're telling the truth.

Lizz, make every friend you can.

Night Loves.

'Til we lose control, System Overload.

shes got her own thing

It is currently 9:37 at night.

I'm listening to Miss Independent by Ne-Yo on my radio(!).

There is a dog in my bed.

My Dad and I just had a laughing fit over Woody's catch phrases.

.:.I.:.Feel.:.Really.:.Happy.:.

She's got her own thing, that's why I love her.

maybe youre not invited

More stock:

• I try to hard.
• I have issues being happy with what i have.
• I'm waiting, and I'm starting to be afraid that it won't happen.
• I have extreme writer's block.
• I could destroy you if I so wished.
• I don't care anymore, about grades, the future, whats going on anymore.
• I just don't care.
• That frightens me.

Well, maybe you're not invited to my Action Adventure.

did you fall?

So, anyone want to hear a story?

No?

Good.

Cause I don't want to tell you.

Did you fall for a shooting star?

gotta show the world

i swear the boy is retarded.

just bloody ask me already!!!


Daddy said, "You gotta show the world the thunder."

is it?

hmm. i think im gonna steal an idea tiffi used a long time ago, just cause it wont leave my mind. but im gonna warp it a bit.

now you may not now this, but im a weird person about song lyrics. i kind of collect them in my mind. So, lately ive had this one stuck in my head, and it reminds me of Tiffani so much, and funnily enough, the song has her misspelled name in it.

"Ooh, Baby, You're impressive,
You're like a little black dress."
-Tiffany Blews ; Fall Out Boy

mmhmm, had to get it off my mind. and now random lyrics i love time!!!

"If home is where the heart is,
then we're all just fucked."
-27 ; Fall Out Boy

"I just found out there's no such thing as the real world,
Just a lie you have to rise above."
-No Such Thing ; John Mayer

"It just takes some time,
Little Girl you're in the middle of the ride."
-The Middle ; Jimmy Eat World

"HAVE SOME COMPOSURE!!
WHERE IS YOUR POSTURE!?"
-Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off ; Panic at the Disco

"Scythian Empire,
Horseman of the Russian Step."
-Scyhtian Empire ; Andrew Bird

"Black dress,
With the tights underneath."
-Don't Trust Me ; 3OH!3

"We are only hear for one more night,
SCREAM it like you mean it!"
-Stay Young ; We The Kings

"I mean what can I say?
Three babies in the backseat singing."
-Richman ; 3OH!3

"Were you honest when you said,
I could never leave your bed?"
-Yeah Boy and Doll Face ; Pierce The Veil

"Soo...uh...thimbles!!"
-Thimbles & Animals ; Eddie Izzard

"Have you ever wanted to disappear,
And join a monestary?"
-20 Dollar Nose Bleed ; Fall Out Boy [feat. Brendon Urie]

"Wake up,
The House is on fire,
And the cats caught in the dryer."
-Deadbeat Holiday ; Green Day

"And they fall in love,
As they fall in bed they sing."
-Rock 'N' Roll ; Eric Hutchinson

"Marry me Juliet,
You'll never have to be alone."
-Love Story ; Taylor Swift

"Sail around the world and tell them all to keep singin in,
La-la-la."
-Shut-up and Smile ; Bowling For Soup

"And She's a much more beautiful person,
then She'll ever know."
-Much More Beautiful Person ; Bowling For Soup

"I got your runaway smile in my piggy bank, Baby."
-Hells Over Head ; Boys Like Girls

"Like everything else here,
Yours and Mine."
-Yours and Mine ; Fountains of Wayne

"Now I'm speechless,
Over the edge,
I'm just breathless."
-Lovebug ; Jonas Brothers

"Now take my hand and we will run away."
-Take My Hand ; The Cab

"Run baby run,
Don't ever look back."
-Check Yes Juliet ; We The Kings

"This is the song that reminds me of my Trucker Hat,
Not to block out the sun."
-Trucker Hat ; Bowling For Soup

"I'm a real big fan of yours,
But I'm quite the joke to you."
-Your Biggest Fan ; NeverShoutNever!

"If you jump I will jump too,
We could fall together."
-Skyway Avenue ; We The Kings

"Hey,
I'm looking up for my Star Girl."
-Star Girl ; McFly

"I saw you last night,
Dance by the light of the moon."
-Magic ; Ben Folds

"In the middle of a gunfight,
In the center of a resturant."
-You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison ; My Chemical Romance

"I had a dream last night we,
Drove out to see Las Vegas,
We lost ourselves in the bright lights."
-Jamie All Over ; Mayday Parade

"You're a star,
The way you are.
-Star Song ; Bowling For Soup

"I won't hesitate no more, no more,
It cannot wait,
I'm Yours..."
-I'm Yours ; Jason Mraz

"Did Venus blow your mind?
Was it everything you wanted to find?"
-Drops of Jupiter ; Train

"Things are shaping up to be,
Pretty Odd."
-That Green Gentleman(Things Have Changed) ; Panic at the Disco

"I'm a mess,
I'm a wreck."
Let's Get Fucked Up and Die ; Motion City Soundtrack

Now you know where all the things at the end of my blogs come from. *yawnshugely*

Good Night.

Is it still me that makes you sweat?

its a love story

I have two things to say:

First:

the beginning of the day was the
WORST FRIDAY EVE EVER!!!

Second:

he cares. :)

It's a Love Story, baby just say yes.

there's a story...

have you ever sat and taken stock of your life? i do that at night. and im not sure if i like what i see.

• I'm a month from 15.
• I've had one boyfriend my whole life.
• I've never been kissed.
• I'm horribly unsure of myself.
• I'm hopelessly in love with a boy who doesn't seem to care.
• I don't do things I think are right, in case they are wrong.
• I'm shy. Not on the surface, but underneath.
• I haven't accomplished anything I'm proud of.
• I'm scared. Of life.
• I don't ever want to go to college.
• But I also kind of do.
• I've cried three times today.
• I have horrible self-esteem.
• I want to run away.
• But I also don't.
• I've listened to the same two songs over and over again for the last 20 minutes.
• I want something to happen to me.
• I wish I had a talent.
• I wish i could be proud of myself for something.
• Make that four times.
• I want someone to want me.
• I've never held hands with a guy.

That's me. I think. Hmm. I don't like it. I don't like my place right now. I don't like me.

There's a story at the bottom of this bottle and I'm the pen.

just in what they are.

tell me people.

what amazes you? in the real sense of the word. what are the most aamazing things you can think of?

Ask me that question and i can think of a few things. but why would i want to share? why would you want to share?

you never share amazement for fear of feeling stupid. What if what you find amazing or wonderful or beautiful is just normal to other people?

why can't we share amazment at anything? Why is something amazing to us? What makes it amazing?

Why do I find Christmas Lights amazing? And not just the huge displays. The simplest are often the most amazing.

Why does the fact that I've had the longest relationship in our class amaze me? In third grade no less.

Why do I find Greg amazing? Seriously?

Why does happiness amaze me? Just unabashed happiness. No reason, just blissful happiness. Why is that so amazing?

Why do my friends canstantly amaze me? When other people just think we're retarded. hhahha.

Why is interaction so amazing? Just normal people. Just society. Conduct. Etiqutte. Propriety. That all amazes me. But most people think of it as just normal daily life. When i see layers upon layers built up to seem normal, whatever normal is.

tell me people.

What amazes you?

- - - - -

Sometimes people are beautiful.
Not in looks.
Not in what they say.
Just in what they are.

hearts you break

Happy New Year!!

As I just said to Lauren, Shall we make it a better one??

Have a wonderful rest of break.

Loves.

You're as weak as the hearts You break.