30 Days

you know, theres so many more productive things i could be doing right now??? but no. im gonna sit here and pour my mind out to no one. fuck, ive got homework, a rewrite of It Was There, and books to start on.

I've got finish a complete draft of my essay on "The Masque of Red Death" for English,

Book work for S.S.,

Eagle Strike to finish(from Tori),

and loads of other stuff! so what do i do? i sit down, turn on the music, and start on this pathetic mess. ay vay.

so yesterday i had this huge blowup in band.

So im already pissed cause he(the band director) treats the trumpet section like royalty(he apologizes to them if theyre not playing!!), so he has the woodwinds play this particularly difficult section of music and the trumpets have to grade us. so we play it bad (as usual) and they give us bad grades. that gets me more pissed off. so when we're done, LIZZY (who is a baritone player, not a trumpet) raises her hand and is like "I think they were playing to loud, like all of them were playing as loud as they could." so i sit up and nearly yell, "Well, maybe we play loud to compensate for the fact that we can't do the notes and rhythms together!"........total silence. then gabby or someone goes, "Calm down." or "Whoa" so i rly yell this time, "I'm sorry, it just pisses me off that hes having them grade us!!!!"......silence. again. and now everyone looks up at him and is expecting me to go to in school or something, and hes just standing there smiling. yep smiling. so he goes, "I planned this." WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!! he planned for all this inter band fighting!! i yelled at two of my best friends!! i was sitting there fuming while he explains this and everyone is looking at me like im a bomb about to go off.

fuck.

*sigh* its so stupid.

whatever. so i have a good book recommendation. Bloodline. it was rly good. the whole book is like excerpts from peoples diarys and letters.

i founds a new song i rly like, 30 Days by NeverShoutNever! unfortunately its not on project playlist.....

i rly like NeverShoutNever! im almost suprised, i dont usually like every song i hear by a band. the only ones are Bowling For Soup, Fall Out Boy, Panic at the Disco, The White Stripes, Ben Folds(but hes an artist, not a band) and now NeverShoutNever! maybe my trepidation is stupid, idk.

=]

meh. goodnight and goodluck. i love you all.

30 days to Christmas and all I know is I'm not quite ready to let this go.

Dota

well, so much for time...i just spent the last couple hours playing my old gameboy color.

D-D-D-D-D-Dota.

Girl, you got style.

dum de dum dum.....

kayklay.

yesterday was loads of fun!! I spent the night at Tiff's, where we stayed up until 2:15ish......yep we watched Stardust and Accepted. hhahha, good movies. yep, we made her laptop talk. it was a crackup. to borrow tiff's phrase, we were rolling. literaly. hhahha, before we conked we watched the paternity addition of Maury. you know the one,

I was sleeping with four guys at once, and i want to know which one's the father!!

or

I cheated on my boyfriend and I want to be sure he's the father, not this asshole who i had a one night stand with!!

Of course in the latter, it ended up being neither of them.....GASP!!

Tchh, stupid whores, tenth grade mothers.

whatever, i refuse to be bogged down with the problems of lesser society!!

hhehhe.

well, that morning Heidi called and asked us if we wanted to go to this huge book clearence sale thing. It was awesomely amazing!! i got what, 8 books for 10 dollars!!!! ik!! its like holy shit!! alot. one book that usually $19 was only $3!!!!! ik!! and then i got 7 books for a dollar each!!

yep. it was fun.

Thursday me and Angela had our audition for Masquers (Drama Club). we did pretty good. but, they stopped us in the middle of our song. and every one else got to do their whole one....... that was rly annoying. whatever.

hhahhahhha. basketball is going good. i guess. idk. i cant seem to work up any enthusiasm. for basketball, school, hmwrk, grades.......idk.

the only thing i actually enjoy is chorus, masquers (and it hasnt even started!!), and sometimes band. as much as i dont like the teacher, i enjoy playing. its nice to escape into the dots and lines of the music. it feels good to be first chair, to know im good.

anyways, i think im getting sick........i have an infection as direct result of destroying the skin around my nails........and a bunch of stuff i want to get done, but i know i wont be able to, as i have no time.

*sigh* im gonna go get started on that stuff. i have time now.

loves.

Girl, you got style, and that's what I love about you.
Girl, you got dreams, and therefore I believe in you.

sentimental guy...

dun dun dun!! i post!!

hhahha, so im bored, and sad, and tired, and all around feeling shitty. no, not the mad kind of shitty, more of the defeated kind of shitty. yep......

well i read that one poem today, (i was procrastinateing before my hmwrk), Annabel Lee, and i was struck by how insanely beautiful it is. i mean, for someone who can go to the inner recesses of the twisted human soul, (or lack thereofe), its so pretty.

I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea;
But we loved with a love that more than love-
I and my Annabel Lee-

le sigh. isnt that just wonderful. im gonna carry a copy of that in my pocket now or somethin.

kay, so im goin to Tiffys house tomorrow to spend the night. thats pretty rad if you ask me.

me and Tiff were talking the other day about stuff.....like how my choice of reading material is considered shocking in Cow Town High. so i enjoy Lesbian Romance Fiction, sue me. hhahha, i should write a book review on it. *laughsevily* oh im horrid!! but yeah, certain people (Tori, Susan) will read the back to see what its about, and give me a look like, whoa, is she a little swishy herself?? myb. idk, never rly thought about it. whatevs,

i wonder, if someone you knew turned out to be a les, would you still associate with them?

theres a question for the ages. but seeing how 99.9% of the Cow Town High population are racist bigots, it wouldnt suprise me if 99.99% of the CTH pop were homophobes.

fuck. bastards.

hhahha, ive got candy. halloween baby!!! now and later!! friggin hate it, but i dont want a lollipop, and thats all i ahev left......

le sigh.i have nothing else to talk about.

byeas.

I used to be a sentimental guy...

its raining, Annie....

okayy.......now that you are all definitely certain im a friggin schizo............

jesus christ.........

*sigh*

i hate feeling pathetic. i felt that way friday. i was at lizz's house before the pasketti dinner and she checked this blog.....and made a few comments on it.......and i felt rly rly pathetic. if you dont know why.....i suggest you take a rain check.

god. why cant this weekend just keep going?? *sigh* Tiff? lets go back to chinc. it was happy. and i miss seeing you that happy for such a long period of time. i miss your short sleeves. i miss ass raping bikes (lolz). i miss the beach. i miss the waves. i miss the dock. i miss the air. that feeling of flying. of never wanting to come down. of loving where you are and who youre with.

goddammit. now im crying.

jeez. it seems weird to me, but, my favorite songs are always the ones about running away..... maybe theres a reason for my sport. do we run for enjoyment? or to build a facade for a reality we dont want to face? idk. do you?

It's raining, Annie.

we'll fight

SHIT SHIT MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN WITH A FUCKING CHERRY CUNT ON TOP SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok. i feel better now.jeezy creezy im fucked up. you knaow?

and i dont rly care about any fucking typos. cause my life is a fucking shit hole right now.

teachers suck. school sucks. and to top it off......now that xc is over....(almost) i only get to see my best friend/loml every day 2 in fucking EARTH SCIENCE!!! GODDAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!

and i got a fuckin test tomorrow in S.S. which is gonna go bad.....and my grade there is already bad.........77!!!!! FUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and the band teacher is a total douchse. or however the fuck you spell it. fucking shit!!!!!!!!!!!!

and how in the fuck do you date someone who cheated on you and is a total whore, when someone who really loves you is just sitting there waiting for you??!!!

goddamit!!!!!

i cannot get a fucking break!!!

you know what? this is shit!! im goin to bed.

we'll fight for your music halls and dyin' cities.

lights and sounds

hhahha. jeez. i havent posted in weeeeeeks. god. the beginning of the year is so hectic, it isnt even funny!!

hmwrk, float meetings, xc.........JEEZ!!!

its exhausting.

grawr.

i dont think anyone has noticed that i have this blog yet.....which i find fairly hilairious.

but anyway..............hmmm.

the things ill never say out loud........will never be typed.

hhahhahhahha. and that didnt sound stupid at all.

but....i am worried about lizz. she says shes over him.....but i said that once.......and now my stomach turns whenever i see them together.........

god. im so fucking pathetic, you know??

stop. turn. take a look around at all the lights and sounds.