Lauren,

Lauren,
You wanna know why I call you out alot!? You wanna know why I seem to hate and judge you more than everyone else?! Its because I'm jealous. There I said it.
I'm jealous that you're small, you have a boyfriend, and every guy who comes in your vicinity won't take his eyes off you. You claim you're in a tough spot. From what I see you have basically everything I have ever wanted in life. You bitch and moan and complain because you can never have enough and it drives me crazy, seeing you with everything I've never had.
I wish I could be nicer, but I hate you for the reason that I hate myself. Just wishing I could be more like you in some ways.
Its all jealousy, ohkay? Nothing personal towards you.

-Me

visit me in hell

Sorry!! My comp is still without internet and ive finally decided im inconsiderate enough to sign out my Mom from her comp/blog.

I guess a lot has happened, but it depends on who you are.

had an awesome time at Tiff's house. I can't relate to her alot (you know what I mean? Not really, but I get it. hhahha.) but she is one of the best people in my World.

Lizz is killing me with her descriptions of Florida. But hey its ohkay with me. I'm glad I can be her personal therapist again, I like trying to understand the complexity that is Lizz.

Got to meet Amy's dad at graduation last night. Those two are scary/funny alike. Its a pretty cool thing to watch.

Speaking of graduation, Lauren is giving me whiplash. Connor, Adam, Connor, Adam...Seriously, make up your mind. Don't get me wrong, I love Lauren as a person, but shes got the same thing as my sister: They're great when they arent around people. Just hanging with them one on one is the best. But get them around other people and BAM! Totally different person. And to be honest I don't like the person they become around people or persons to be exact. With Em its Brielle (thank god they dont hang out anymore!) and with Lauren its Connor, or Conor, or Brett......or pretty much any male in the vicinity besides Adam. She either becomes uber bitch or super flirt. She's only ever that person that I like, the one whos real Lauren, when Adam's around. Its annoying.

I've got nothing else to say now. Trying to explain annoyance without getting into shit took up all my thoughts.

So, send my Love a letterbomb and visit me in Hell, we're the ones going home!

the luxury

I wish I had stuff to do.

I need to stop eating my way through the day.

I need to keep myself busy so I stop being a bum.

I know I should run but I can't make myself.

I want stuff to do and places to go that aren't the same places I've always gone.

I hope its nicer tomorrow so I can bike around someplace.

School is good for me. I learn stuff, I don't eat breakfast, and I can't snack at all! It works.

Of course it doesn't help that theres all this sugary shit all over the house cause Emma can eat anything she want without worrying.

She such a fucking bitch for complaining to me that she's 'fat'.

....I think im gonna go for a bike ride. I feel like it.

We don't have the luxury to trade lives for beauty.

I'm living just to watch it all go by.

I lost a piece of me and you,
I think I left it in your arms.
I forget the reasons I got scared,
But remember that I care,
Quite alot.

You see that lately I've been on my own.
Yeah, one but one by choice.
You see that's a first for me,
This only me, yeah there's only me,
Now I realize for once, its just me.
Its just me.
Its just me and I'll find a way to make it.
There's no one left to stop me.
Here I go,
Can we take it from the top?

So I, so long.
So sad, I wanna be strong.
Don't try to take this from me,
I've already spent living half my life undone.

So I, so long.
So sad, I wanna be strong.
Don't try to take this from me,
I've already spent my life living half undone.

I've been talking to my Aunts and Uncles, Mom and Dad again.
I've been finding out that I have what this World has called friends.
I've tried to push them all away,
They push me back and want to stay,
And that's one good thing I have.
I'm gonna feel a piece of me,
I'm gonna feel it home,
I'm gonna make this cloud above me disappear,
Be gone.
I wanna feel a punch inside,
My heartbeat on the floor,
I don't wanna hurt no more.

Yeah, it's just me.
Its just me and I'll find a way to make it.
There's no one left to stop me.
Here I go,
Can we take it from the top?

So I, so long.
So sad, I wanna be strong.
Don't try to take her from me,
I've already spent my life living half undone.

So I, so long.
So sad, I wanna be strong.
Don't try to take this from me,
I've already spent my life living half undone.

Let's be the one you want me for.
I used to smile but don't no more.
I'm living just to watch it all go by.

-Blue October

Zach's Song

I'm sick of school.

Well, no. I'm not sick of school....I'm sick of peple.

Flaky people, busy people, bitchy people, annoying people....yeah. I'm just sick of it.

You claim we're all drifting apart. I claim we all have different lives.

*cueZach's song*

the distance is daring

I am seriously considering piercing something tomorrow. Just not sure what yet.

I'm thinking nose, but I really like the idea of lip.

Idk, watch. I'm gonna chicken out I guarantee.

- - - - -

Cause you had a bad day.

- - - - -

The end of the book was really sad!!

It put me in a major funk!!

- - - - -

Bipod. hhahha.

- - - - -

Yechh, today was just the icing on the downer cake. Ever since five week reports I've been all 'blahh, I don't give a flying shit.' but I do. I just don't.

The only classes I want good grades in are GS, Art, Chorus/es, and Band.

See how well that worked out Miss Low Eighties.

*shakesheadatself*

- - - - -

I seriously have decided on two tattoos I must have. Placement is still iffy but I need them.

One 'Hey Jude.' somewhere. Right now its sharpied on that spot between back and side on outside or right ankle.

And an Ankh somewhere. Considering back of shoulder or wrist. For now its on my knuckle/finger.

If you're wondering what an Ankh is, its the Egyptian symbol of life. Picture a 'T' with a loop over the crossbar.

- - - - -

Chorus has gotten completely miserable. We just sound really bad. We can't for the life of us remember any effing words and we have an attention span of about 2 seconds. Quite the miserable affair.

- - - - -

Going to bed now. Night!!

- - - - -

Thought the distance is daring, we both know how to drive.

you got my head in such a flurry

Got my yearbook today.

Funfun.

- - - - -

Got in an epic paint/pastel battle with Brett today in art. Somehow ended up with me lying on a table and him over me, wrists locked, trying to hit the other person without getting hit.

Fun!!

Then I got the major confusion of who the hell had my bloody pen!! That died in Lunch....bastard.

- - - - -

Gotta type mad carefully. Just painted my nails.

I <3 new black nail polish :))

- - - - -

Flirting?? No??

IM SO CONFUSED!!!

Its like one minute your staring at me and following me around, then I don't exist.

I'm confuzzled.

- - - - -

I LOST THE GAME!!!

- - - - -

Blurry, blurry, you got my head in such a flurry, flurry. Wh-wh-what the fuck makes you so special? What makes you so special?